treasured feelings, covetous feelings
by prodigieux
Summary: New emotions were difficult to deal with, especially when looking at others from an analytical point of view. Nobody will know, not of her joy or of her distaste. One-sided ships throughout, canon events referenced.


**A/N: **Just a story I was inspired to write recently, about my OTP of Ishida x Nemu. Well, I can't fully say that, since they're not together in this, but of course they were the drive for this piece. I think this is only going to be a one-shot, but I'll leave it as 'in-progress' - if enough people wish for me to write more, I may consider it. This ship doesn't get enough love. I should warn now, this isn't for Ishida x Inoue fans - nothing I write is, since I loathe that ship. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this, and those who read will leave a review! Thanks!

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><p>The reason the lieutenant found herself with poor feelings about the other woman was not due to appearances. Even though she was artificially created in a lab, her captain and father had ensured that she was a worthy creation of his. Her hair was long and dark, eyes an emerald green, and a body that most women would envy, and most men would lust after. The bust of a certain human girl, or her copper hair, and especially not her honey eyes had nothing to do with why she wanted nothing to do with her.<p>

She remembers the first time she met Inoue Orihime in the seireitei. One of the ryoka, she was pitted against her, as well as the other invaders. It wasn't anything personal, and it wasn't as if she was forced to fight her. The girl fled before she became involved in any scrimmage, anyways. If it wasn't for being forced to join on the rescue mission to Hueco Mundo, she would have only remembered the girl due to her enhanced memory, and studying the sensory data Mayuri-sama implanted in Ishida Uryuu.

It was that data which began Kurotuschi Nemu's animosity for the human girl.

Having any feelings was strange enough for the shinigami. These alone were new things, something only _he_ brought out in her. Mayuri-sama did not wish for her to have them, and until she met _him_, she did only as told, not questioning, and barely thinking for herself.

Then he came into her life. He spared her captain - supposedly, that was the beginning of her feelings, the thanks she felt, as she discovered that despite the abuse, she cared for the man who made her. But he didn't give her the same feeling as the Quincy - no. The Quincy treated her with kindness, respect, and seemed to care for her, at least in that moment. The least she could have done was give him the antidote. It's not wise to poison a dying man, and he said those words. As often as her captain would call her stupid, and likely would punish her for helping the boy, she knew the opposite, and that she made the right decision.

Maybe except for in these dealings. Maybe she was a fool. As they went over the data they constantly collected from Ishida Uryuu via the surveillance bacteria in the laboratory, there were intervals of different emotions. Even though Mayuri-sama threw them away, ignoring them in favor for his fluctuation in spiritual pressure during the training with his father, she still found herself taking notice. Especially when his heart rate went up. That was only around that human girl, the one who was with him in Soul Society.

Eventually Mayuri-sama kicked her out of the laboratory as he read the data on the Quincy - her solemn attitude, somehow more so than usual, was beginning to get on his nerves. Answering him with the usual, she stepped out.

It was only a matter of days before she received the order, along with two other lieutenants, her captain, three others, and the other seated officer to go to Hueco Mundo and aid the Substitute Shinigami on the rescue mission of that human girl. She barely spoke while the division worked on necessary preparations. The only emotion she showed was in her eyes as she and her captain were ordered to aid Abarai-san and Quincy-san against the 8th Espada. She stood behind Mayuri-sama as he analyzed the latest data being collected from the Quincy, and aided him as he replaced his organs, and took the necessary precautions before they were to leave with the others.

His condition was horrible, it was the first thing she noticed. However, orders were that nobody was to be healed, no matter how grave the condition, before the Espada was defeated. As she was taken by the pink haired man, Szayel Aporro Granz as he called himself, both the fellow lieutenant and the Quincy looked more concerned for her than her father. The look from him would have made her feel happy, and slightly concerned for her own safety, if she weren't programmed how to function in situations like that. Yes, the concern from Abarai-san was there as well, but it was only due to him also being a shinigami - the others were always concerned for their own kind. Not the Kurotsuchis.

The Quincy boy had no reason to appear worried. At least, none she could think of. Still, he was. Besides, she knew if she was harmed, Mayuri-sama would repair her. If he couldn't repair her, due to his loss in battle (not that he would lose), it wouldn't matter if she were repaired or not. Regardless of her possible feelings towards the Quincy, Nemu knew nothing besides living life as Mayuri-sama's belonging.

Maybe it was just his 'ridiculous' Quincy pride she'd heard so much about, but he seemed quite adamant about Mayuri-sama helping her free from the tentacle Szayel Aporro had trapped her in. Even more so than receiving the antidote to subdue the poison he inhaled. She simply looked on dumbfounded, unable to understand why he was acting in such a way. Aside from that Quincy pride.

Unbearable pain elicited a response, and his concern appeared to grow. There was nothing she could do, and the only one able to help refused to do so in favor of observation. Of course she knew it wasn't right, but it was expected. After all, Nemu was only a bother who got in the way, as she was told over and over again. Even once more, as her captain walked over to her to heal her - she was a 'bother' - despite her wrecked state, she could still hear what was being said. She could still feel what was being done to her body.

She was glad she couldn't see his face, as her creator transformed her back to her pristine self. It was embarrassing, even though she didn't know it. She didn't know how she was better off not seeing the tint of red on his face - but the moment she held him down, it more than made up for it. Even though he protested she was too close, the reality was, she didn't feel she was close enough. Mayuri-sama's orders weren't even necessary for her to press herself into him. As much as he struggled, she wondered if he was truly bothered by her. In actuality, the concern was a toss up, between whether he was bothered by the contact, or the fact she was the one in contact with him. Again, it was that foolish Quincy pride of his, which altered his behavior.

This all brings her back to why she feels a dislike for the girl who became a captive of the enemy. The moment Mayuri-sama finished healing Ishida Uryuu, he ran off, using hirenkyaku. No one questioned his destination - after the speech by the traitor Aizen Sosuke, it was clear he was heading to the tower to rescue Inoue Orihime. It was the real reason they were all in Hueco Mundo, after all. (Not fully, Nemu knew that if it wasn't for the 'inferior, incapable, deranged' - as Mayuri-sama said - rescue team, unable to complete their task, that the superior officers wouldn't have had to step in.) Abarai-san took off shortly before, as he was healed first - not only out of request, but likely Mayuri-sama's preference for his own kind [be it by a small margin]. It wasn't as if she had time to reflect on why the inevitable upset her, as Mayuri-sama forced her to begin working, so they could quickly develop a garganta technology of sorts.

After all was said and done, Mayuri-sama was too preoccupied with the new arrancar and espada samples he received to bother checking the surveillance information from Ishida Uryuu. One day she was dismissed, due to being her 'bothersome self,' Nemu sat at the computer, curious as to what happened post his departure. She saw everything, and her distaste for the human only grew.

She showed no thanks for everything the Quincy did for her. Each time she cried out for the Substitute Shinigami, the heart rate of the forgetful test subject changed. Regardless of how he worked to protect her, she only remained concerned for Kurosaki Ichigo. The moment in which Kurosaki's beast form took him over, and impaled the blue eyed boy with his zanpakuto, and the moment that the half-limbless Espada pulled said zanpakuto from his abdomen, none of them realized his pain. None of them seemed to care. It wasn't likely for an Espada to as it were, but weren't the others, what humans called 'friends' of Ishida Uryuu? Brief moments of concern he received, were nothing like the attention he showed for his comrades.

Every chance she had, Nemu was there to help Ishida Uryuu, or as she called him 'Quincy-san'. Be it out of thanks, or requirement of duty - she wished she could have been there to bandage his new wound. Perhaps if they were alone, he wouldn't have reacted so strongly against being 'close' to her. It was hard enough, feeling conflicted already - but knowing that the source of her conflict already cared for another was hard to take, even for a woman who was described by those who were her own 'friends' as 'stoic, quiet, lifeless.'

That's exactly why the lieutenant felt contempt towards the human. No matter how much he tried to show his feelings, the other girl was oblivious - just as Quincy-san was to her. The human was too blinded by the Substitute Shinigami to comprehend a perfectly good male specimen held an interest in her. Surely he also knew about the orange haired girls' feelings - by the information Nemu analyzed it was clear how Ishida Uryuu's behavior changed when Inoue Orihime discussed the Substitute Shinigami. Though, it wasn't as if he was a Substitute Shinigami any longer. Nothing else seemed to change. For her sake, it was best she couldn't see the look in his eyes.

It also could be said that the way Kurotsuchi Nemu felt towards Inoue Orihime resembled jealousy. No matter what she did, it was hard to capture the attention of a certain male - except when she was a damsel in distress, akin to the situations the human was in a majority of the time, or at least it seemed from the information in front of her.

The difference between herself and Inoue Orihime was ignorance. The difference between them was blindness. The difference between them had everything to do with knowing how to act, and acting properly. While Nemu would learn one day how to handle the emotions she had developed, she was determined, Inoue Orihime would not develop them, and remained entrapped in her ignorant bliss, pining after one man, not seeing what was in front of her.

Until the next time she would meet her Quincy-san, nothing would be said about a feeling inside of her. The data collected from him would not be accessed. For the first time in her life, the feeling of 'the less you know, the better' took over the shinigami woman. Nobody would know of anything inside of her, she would take on her melancholic appearance as always. A yell from the laboratory prompted her to shut the computer down, and without hesitation Nemu responded to the order, entering the room where her captain was.

He was the last one who needed to find out. He'd simply deem it a flaw in her design. But these feelings, good and bad, were too precious to let go of.


End file.
